Monthly Archives: January 2013

Get On It.

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This post may seem a little random, but I’ve got a few things floating around in my head that I want to share with you.

First, I am so incredibly proud to be married to Tim Davis.  Not just because he is a wonderful husband and an amazing father (although those things are absolutely worth mentioning).  I am writing this because he had the opportunity to speak at our church yesterday, and God really spoke to him and through him.  Here’s a link to the message he shared, for those who want to listen…I think it will be time well-spent.

Tim’s Message at The Journey Church–Sunday, January 27, 2013

Second, I wanted to share a story of something Eli said to me the other day.  (Sidenote:  Eli is a big Spiderman fan and dressed up as Spiderman for Halloween–less than a week before all of the hospital visits started with Sadie’s illness.  He likes to spin pretend webs and save the world from all of it’s problems…)

Eli and Sadie as Spiderman and Sadiebug Ladybug (aka the "Cute Little Butterfly", per Eli)

Okay, so I was upstairs last Wednesday evening.  Tim stayed downtown to study for the message highlighted above, and I was just having a really hard day emotionally.  Well, Eli is very emotionally in-tune, and could tell that I was missing Sadie.  He suddenly ran up to me, put up his “I’ve got a great idea” finger, and said with great confidence, “I know!  Spiderman will go MOVE that grass, and he’ll LIFT that bed up out of the ground, and he’ll CARRY Sadie home and then we all can be together and we can all be happy again!”.  Then he looked right at me and said, “I’m Spiderman”…like he was going to go right then and save the day and all of our problems would go away.

Bless him.  Eli knows that we are having a hard time, and he knows that we are sad because we miss Sadie.  He just wants to fix it for us so that we can all be happy again.  So, obviously that tells me that he doesn’t quite understand the permanence of the situation here.  I’m not sure that I quite understand it, either.  I still find myself thinking, “It’s time to go pick the kids up”, or “I want to take the kids to the playground”, or “I need to fix the kids something to eat”, and I even almost asked Eli yesterday if he wanted to go with me to pick up Sadie in the nursery at church.  Creature of habit–that’s just “what I did” after service let out.  So, I think it’s safe to say that as time goes on, I am becoming more and more aware of the fact that I won’t be seeing Little Miss Sadie any more here on Earth.

It’s kind of like, “you cannot see the wind–you can see the effects of the wind, but you cannot see the wind” (which, if I remember correctly, is in an old DC Talk song, but I honestly am not sure if this is scripture or just a catchy phrase).  So, I can see the EFFECTS of Sadie, but I cannot actually SEE Sadie.  I am so encouraged to hear story after story of how Sadie is changing lives.  That makes me so incredibly proud of her, and proud to be her Mommy.  But it doesn’t make me miss her any less.  I truly believe that, for me, this process is getting harder before it gets easier.  I am so thankful that I have a God that is willing to catch me when I fall, hold me when I cry, and give me peace with there is a storm raging within.

Thirdly, we sang a song last Sunday at The Journey called, “The Stand”.  I knew the song, but chose to really pay attention to the words this time.  I couldn’t help but hear all of the voices around me singing this, and think, “Do we REALLY MEAN THIS”?  Oh, because if we do, how we are about to change the world for Christ!  I’ll be excited to see what happens when we put feet to the words we sing.

Read these lyrics (or here’s the link to a YouTube video of Hillsong singing The Stand if that works better for you):

THE STAND

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
BUT OFFER THIS HEART, OH GOD
COMPLETELY TO YOU

I’LL STAND
WITH ARMS HIGH AND HEART ABANDONED
IN AWE OF THE ONE WHO GAVE IT ALL
I’LL STAND
MY SOUL LORD TO YOU SURRENDERED
ALL I AM IS YOURS

(Emphasis mine, and thank you to Robbie Cheuvront and everyone in the praise team at The Journey Church.  Music speaks to me, and to so many others, and you do a wonderful job of spreading the Word in song.)

And finally–I know that not everyone who reads my posts is going to agree with everything that I say.  And that’s good.  I encourage you to refer to God’s Word over anything I ever say, because I will be the very last person to claim that I have all the answers.  But what I CAN talk about without reservation is my own faith and my own experience.  And for me, I am telling you that I would not want to go through something like what we are going through without resting completely in the arms of my loving Father.  It is because of Him that I am not drowning completely in the sea of tears that I have shed over losing Sadie.  And the thing that is keeping my head above water is that I KNOW that I will see Sadie again in Heaven, and I KNOW that her time here was for a big purpose, and that purpose is being fulfilled.  I KNOW that God is stirring my heart, and I also KNOW that it is in my best interest to be obedient to Him and the work He has for me to do during the remainder of my days on Earth.  I am honestly not sure exactly what all of that will entail, but I know that He is guiding me step by step so far, so I also KNOW that I should, “Acknowledge Him in all your (my) ways, and He will make your (my) paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6).  So here I am.

Thanks to those of you who take the time to read these updates.  In my heart and mind, Sadie is living on through the lives she is touching and the legacy she is leaving through her experience.  This is proof that blessings can still come, despite terrible circumstances.  Nothing and no one will ever replace my Sadiebug, but it does bring me some peace to speak of how God is working in my life through all of this. And as a great man once said about the importance of urgency (in his country boy accent), “Whatever we’re going to do for Jesus Christ, we’d better get on it” (Tim Davis–January 27, 2013).

And so for me, it’s time to take The Stand and “get on it”.  I may tread through tears at times, but I can’t let that hold me back.  After all, this is real life.  God doesn’t expect me to be perfect.  He just wants me to be willing.

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