One Year Ago Today…

The day is here.  December 21st.  A day that will forever wreak havoc in my heart and soul.  One year ago today, I held my precious babygirl, rocking her with tears streaming down my cheeks.  Tim read her toddler Bible to her from head to toe.  We sang precious hymns to her.  We prayed over her.  And while sitting in that room in the PICU at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital, we ushered our sweet Sadie to the gates of Heaven.  She breathed her last breath here, and her first breath in that place we all long to be.  She is home, while we are not.  And, although the pain of losing Sadie to childhood cancer is excruciating, I am also filled with hope for our future.  It has been absolutely overwhelming to see what I have seen, and to hear what I have heard from so many people over the past year.  I have never seen Jesus work through the life of a child so vividly.  I have never witnessed the changes in people from such a close vantage point.  I never imagined that Sadie would change my own life in the way she has.  It’s amazing.
Despite our pain, we are better people because of what happened “last year this time”.  We are more compassionate, more loving, more appreciative, more aware.  We seek God more, trust God more, thank God more, and love God more.  We reach out more.  We reach in more.  We are more aware of the needs around us.  We pray more, love more, and live more.  Funny how that works.
I will always treasure the time we had with Sadie here on Earth, and I will always long to see her again.  I will always be sad about what happened to her, and how her sweet and beautiful life was taken by a monster of a disease.  I will always wish we could have kept her here with us for a long, long time.  But, we have chosen to trust in God, and to trust that He had a very specific purpose for her sweet little life, and that that purpose is being accomplished.  And, that He has a purpose for our lives, in light of what has happened.  Our purpose and testimony are being revealed to us little by little, with each person that we meet.
One of the things that really ate at me in the early days and months of mourning over Sadie was that I just could not believe that my sweet child’s story ended in such a tragic way.  No parent wants their child’s story to end like that.  BUT what I have seen, and continue to see, is that Sadie’s story has only just begun.  Her life, smiles, light, and love are impacting people every single day.  She has stolen numerous hearts, and people are better because of it.
I want to thank each and every one of you for taking this journey with us.  Thank you for inserting your hearts into our lives in so many ways.  Thank you for sharing stories of how this has changed your lives.  It helps us.  Thank you for allowing me to be “real”.  To cry, to laugh, to live, and to love.  And thank you for loving with me. Thank you for helping me see that Sadie’s life has a big purpose.  And thank you for helping me remember that each of our lives have big purpose.  We all have an opportunity to make a difference.  We don’t have to have a tragedy in our lives to initiate love.  We can all make a difference and leave our own legacy.  We are all here for big purposes.
Thank you for intertwining your hearts and lives with ours.  It is a treasure that I will hold onto forever.  I love you all so much.

About amberhilldavis

I've always been referred to as a "happy gal"...someone who could make light of almost any situation. But in December of 2012, my 17 month old daughter, Sadie, lost a 40 day/40 night battle with a very aggressive form of leukemia called CNS AML. This has taught me that everything in life is not mind over matter. Sometimes life is really really hard. I don't look at this as a reason to give up on life, though. God has brought me through lots of things--I know for a fact that He will not forget me now. And so now my true journey of complete faith in God Almighty will dictate my future. I plan on ending this story victoriously.

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