The “last year this time”s are flooding my mind like crazy. Last year this time was the last day that my sweet Sadie woke up in the safety of our home. It was the last time I got to get her ready for a “normal” day. It was her last day at day care. I was on my way to a Thanksgiving celebration at work, where I proclaimed how thankful I was that God miraculously healed my baby from meningitis. I had no idea that later that evening, we would be rushing her back to the ER at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital. I thought we were in the clear, when in reality the nightmare had only just begun. We were allowed a short reprieve and a few sweet days with our babygirl at home. I miss her so much. A year later, the pain is still so deep. We are starting to come to grips with our new reality, and we actually have some “good” days, but the thought of our sweet Sadie is never more than an instant away. I long desperately for the day I can think of my precious child and want to do something besides cry. She was pure joy. She was one of God’s greatest gifts in my life, yet I cry. I cry because I love her so much, and I am so disappointed in how her sweet life was cut short. At least in my mind. I have to constantly remind myself that God knew the number of her days before one of them came to be. That He had, and HAS, a plan for her life, and for our lives, too. In light of all that we have endured over the past year, I am changed. I am still Amber, but not the same Amber as before. It’s been a hard reality, because I kind of liked being happy, perky, fun-loving Amber. Those things don’t come as naturally these days…they’re still in there, but are immediately met with the heartache that permeates in our lives these days. I have had to rediscover myself and meet the new me. I want to be someone I can live with. Someone who can still find joy in the day. Someone who can laugh, be happy, and be an encouragement to others, despite the pains of this life. Oftentimes, I have questioned why this life has to be a prerequisite to what is ahead. If Heaven is all about joy and happiness, then why does pain and heartache have to be a part of our life experience here on Earth? I am coming to the realization that, as painful and hard as it is, the pains of this life have the ability to shape us into better people. To make us stronger. To make us realize that our strength is not our own, but comes from God. To remind me that no, I don’t have everything under control. And to remember that God will give me the strength and endurance to make it through anything. His power and love are revealed through our weaknesses. And if we are transparent enough to let others see that we are not superheroes, then maybe they will be encouraged to lean in to the Lord as well. Realizing that He can do the same for them. I never knew what it was like to REALLY have to trust the Lord until the past year. I lost not only my sweet Sadie, but I had to say goodbye to my Daddy, too. Cancer is a beast, and has changed the face of our family. Yet we still wake up each day, searching for purpose and meaning to all of this. I truly believe that, because I am still here, and still have the privilege of breathing in and out, that God has a purpose for me here…today…right now. May I be the Amber He wants me to be…here…today…right now. I love you all. Thank you for all of your words of encouragement. For your love. And for walking this journey with us. I have never experienced outstretched arms like I have over the past year. We feel your prayers. We know that you hurt with us. Thank you all for inserting yourselves into our lives and for growing, loving, and living with us.
November 5th of last year was my last day of “normal”. The last day that I thought I had two healthy kids and not too many troubles. Life was good. And life still is good, but I have to work harder to see it. I have to sift through my sorrow and intentionally acknowledge the gifts of God. They have been here all along–they are just easier to see when you don’t have tears falling from your eyes. Trying today to remember the words of a song that Katie posted earlier–“Every tear, every cry, every prayer. In my hurt and my worst. When my world falls. Not for a moment will You forsake me. After all YOU ARE CONSTANT, and after all YOU ARE ONLY GOOD. After all YOU ARE SOVEREIGN. Not for a moment will You forsake me.”
So glad to know that I will not be forsaken. I can take refuge in my God. I can trust Him, EVEN WHEN HE DOESN’T ANSWER MY PRAYERS THE WAY I WANT HIM TO. He is STILL God, and He is STILL good. He STILL loves me. He STILL works everything for the good of those who walk in accordance with His will. I pray His protection on my family. I pray for blessings as we try to walk forward with only memories of our sweet Sadie. I will be the first to give Him the glory as He redeems this tragedy.
Trying to be careful not to only give thanks to God when He does what I request of Him. I want to give Him thanks, even when I am left in a puddle of endless tears. Thanks that He will not leave me here. Not alone. Not forever. He will lead me to a brighter pathway. And every step I take is one step closer to seeing my adorably precious Sadiebug again. So incredibly thankful for her impact in my life. I miss her sweetness more than words could ever describe. Our reunion on the other side, and in God’s timing, will be pretty fabulous–of that I am confident.
I am so excited about this post!
What kind of difference can $1,909 make in Neply, Haiti?
ONE THOUSAND, NINE-HUNDRED AND NINE DOLLARS worth of Love Big Spread Sunshine magnet purchases, and 147 different people chipping in to make a HUGE difference, can do the following, specifically in the Special Education room at the school in Neply:
* Buy new toys and activities for the Special Ed classroom * Purchase new Creole/English books to start a library in the Special Ed classroom * Supply a second uniform for each child in the Special Ed classroom (they currently only have one uniform per student).
Currently, there are 10 students in the Special Education classroom, and this donation will go a long way to better their learning environment, and will remind these children that they are a vital and very important part of the community of Neply.
Also–myLIFEspeaks is going to put a plaque in the Special Ed classroom in memory of our sweet Sadie. It will represent each of you who took part in this outpouring of love! So, THANK YOU for making a difference, and for spreading some sunshine to these children (and their parents and teachers and friends) in Neply!
This kind of giving doesn’t just help the people receiving the gift–it helps each of us to keep a perspective of love and generosity, and reminds us to be thankful for the blessings that God has given each of us. Together, we are spreading happy childhood smiles all over the world. I can’t even begin to tell you what an impact that makes on me as I reflect on the unbelievable purpose that Sadie Davis had, and CONTINUES TO HAVE here on Earth. I am one proud Mama.
If you have a donation outstanding, or still want magnets, I have a few left, and will be sending another check to myLIFEspeaks in a couple of weeks. I’ll post a revised total at that time.
Love you all! Have a great weekend!
In mid-November 2012, our then 16-month-old daughter, Sadie Davis, was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of leukemia called Acute Myeloid Leukemia, which presented itself primarily in her Central Nervous System. Until then, she seemed like a perfectly healthy toddler—beautiful, playful, and progressing just like any other little girl. She bravely fought her battle against this vicious cancer at the Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt in Nashville, where the amazing doctors and nurses did everything they could medically to give her a chance at life. On December 21, 2012, after exactly 40 days and 40 nights at VCH, Sadie breathed her last breath here on Earth, and her first in Heaven with her Maker. Our hearts are torn in a million pieces, but we are trusting that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28, NIV).
Since Sadie’s earthly death, our family has felt compelled to do various things to reach out to others who are going through a hard time. Today, we would like to think outward and help children in another country—Haiti. Specifically the village of Neply, which is where My Life Speaks Ministries of Nashville is focused. Neply is a village of about 2500 people, and My Life Speaks is working to provide a better quality of life for families there. We know several people involved in this ministry, and trust wholeheartedly that any $$$ given to them will be used to help these families have an opportunity in life. I had a wonderful conversation with Missy Wilson from My Life Speaks, and in that conversation, I asked her if she could give me an idea where the majority of funds raised would be used, trusting that she would have a great idea as to where the need is the greatest in this community. She immediately replied that this money will be predominately used in their new special needs classroom at the school at Neply, and also to treat children and families at the medical clinic in the village. This meant a lot to me, because in the course of a day, my daughter needed significant medical attention, and became a special needs patient. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if she was not given the love and care that she so desperately needed. Supporting this ministry is a way that we can know that we truly are reaching out and helping those less fortunate than us. To learn more about My Life Speaks, click here.
Having said that, I am now taking orders for the following fridge and car magnets:
The blue-rimmed picture will be printed round, and the orange-rimmed picture will be printed square with rounded edges.
Fridge Magnets are 2.5”x2.5”, and car magnets (made thicker) are 4.5”x4.5”. Both pictures are available in both fridge and car magnets.
Fridge Magnets: $3/each
Car Magnets: $6/each
If you are not particular as to which design you want, I will surprise you! If you prefer to be more specific, that’s fine, too. Just make sure you let me know which design you want (blue or orange).
If you need them shipped, be sure to give me your address, and add the following:
$3 if a car magnet is part of your order
$1 if a car magnet is not part of your order
If you feel compelled, please round your order up to the nearest $5, and the additional $$$ will also go directly to My Life Speaks.
Please make checks payable to Amber Davis, and mail to 213 Cobblestone Landing, Mt. Juliet, TN 37122, or feel free to catch me at Mt. Juliet Early Learning Center or The Journey Church or wherever else you might find me. If you have a PayPal account and want to pay that way, my email address is email@example.com (this is definitely the easiest thing to do, and is free—see PayPal instructions below). I will get your order to you promptly once payment is received.
Thank you for loving our family, and for helping our sweet Sadiebug have a positive impact far and wide. I’m excited to know that Sadie magnets will be filling fridges and roadways in Middle-Tennessee and around the country!
Love and peace,
Tim, Amber, and Eli Davis (and of course, Sadie!)
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).
Go to www.paypal.com
Click on Transfer>Send someone money
Enter your email and mine (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Enter the dollar amount you wish to send, including shipping if it needs to be mailed.
Click on “Continue”.
Follow the rest of the prompts (if you are transferring from your bank account to mine, it is free. If you pay with a debit or credit card through PayPal, please add $.88 to your order, as this will be taken out of your total $$ value when you submit your order).
This picture was taken on the afternoon of November 6, 2012. Just hours before we rushed our sweet Sadie to the ER at the Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt. She was diagnosed ten days later with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (it was hard to diagnose because it presented itself primarily in her central nervous system–apparently very rare), and chemo started immediately. Sadie wore this same smile until her smile muscles just didn’t work any more, and we physically and spiritually placed her into the hands of God at 11:58am on Friday, December 21, 2012. Emotionally, I think we’re still hanging onto her with all our might. Allowing Sadie’s legacy to reach out and help other people lets us focus more on the positive impact her life is having, instead of the extreme sadness we feel over losing her. Everything we can do to help others hopefully points people to the love of Christ, and reminds us to love big and share sunshine while we can.